hark! what light from yonder air-lock breaks?

another gloomy day in oxford with high winds and rain but it's ok because i'm hidden away in my flat having run my errands and am now trying to settle down into work before tonight's performance. the musical is going incredibly well and i'm absolutely loving being in such a big venue and working with such a cool set. for all the politics that went into "return to the forbidden planet" and for all the times i said it would be my last show ever, being on stage is such a reminder of how exhilarating it can be to perform.

doing the show in combination with deaning and the ball this summer has meant that my work time has really suffered. i'm now trying to make up for lost time. these tapes that are awaiting transcription keep haunting me, knowing that they should be done but i just can't find the hours needed to sit and type and type. today was a library day though so now i'm staring at the heaps of titles ranging from "the coercive social worker" to "the organisation of a social services department"... oh the fun of it!

men are confusing me these days. i feel so emotionally strange and unable to understand what it is i want from relationships. there is this constant looming presence of the relationship i can't have because it's not pragmatic or logistically possible and then these possibilities which all seem vain and unfulfilling. why is it that there is no happy medium? and why do i feel so restless being alone? alas, questions for another day... onto the work.

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