18

i know, i know... i'm horribly hypocritical. on the one hand, i'm a blog junkie constantly seeking updates and getting frustrated when none appear. and then i blog slack myself, going days at a time with no entries. i'll find the appropriate penance but i'm not sure i'll improve.

today seems a day for sundry ruminations as opposed to one coherant thought (not as if they're coherent on a good day anyway)... there's some intermingling here with some text from a song i'm working on...

why is that i find margaret wente so absolutely infuriating? her column in the special globe 9/11 focus section was just the most logic-leaping, bias-pushing piece of propaghanda. i found it amazing how she could possible combine 9/11 sentimentality, pro-Israel, anti-Muslim sentiment, "rational" war theory and pro-US patriotism all in one article. grrr....

"today's the day we paint by numbers, black is one, white is two, oh shit! we're done"

so, i've become disenchanted with my former hero, andrew sullivan. my blog is named after his book and i got all excited after reading a piece he wrote on blogging and its importance. it's in one of the latest versions of slate. i sent him an e-mail and then became a regular reader of his site. unfortunately, he's gone all war-hawk on me and is mercilessly trumpeting for a war in Iraq- something i can not support and will not support. It is time the Americans invented a new form of foreign policy other than installing military dictators and then forcibly removing them if they do not conform to US demands.

"today's the day we kill our children, this is how it's done, get in line, it's your turn, this is how the war is won"

i leave for new york on thursday morning. i'm tres excited. it will be so nice to just get away and relax a bit with a good friend. i'm also excited because i have a brief lay-over in toronto and am hanging with my best friend john for a bit of it. reconnection is an essential element of the fulfilled life and i can only hope that i sustain friendships with the amazing people i have met over the past years...

"so sorry my friend, but it was required, what's the mr. pollster? today's the day to die?"

i am sad to be leaving. i didn't think i would say that. i think i thought it would be a relief. but i am anxious and nervous and everything is new. i have no notions of what life will be like, or how i will be within it. this is frightening. and, despite what i figured, i feel supported here. i feel close to some sort of breaking through with my mother, i feel like my dad is a new-found friend, i feel like my friends here are marvelous... yet i am leaving. why is it that i can never feel stable?

"where's the room for blue or grey? where's the room for love?"
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